Friday, July 29, 2011

Bachmann and Blood

I truly do not care for Michelle Bachmann in her public capacity as a MoC and now as a presidential candidate. I think she is the Tea Party flavor du jour, and I believe that the “Teasies” and their acolytes cannot be allowed to dominate American politics with their out of touch tri-cornered approach to public policy.

But, anyone who berates Rep. Bachmann—who publicly opposes Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac and would see them demolished—because her own mortgage loan may have been sold to one of the companies (as was reported this week) is smoking their lawn cuttings

Bachmann and her husband had little or no control over the fact that their mortgage loan may have been sold to Fannie or Freddie and packaged into mortgage bonds which likely were sold to institutional investors.

That is a lender decision, often made before the loan ever was originated to the Bachmann’s and has no impact on them or any other family in a similar situation. The Bachmann’s monthly mortgage payment just was passed on by the lender to whoever invested in the bonds.

Of course that she supports doing away with the secondary market entities which helped her and millions of other American families finance their mortgage loans—and continue to aid about 70% of all new homeowners finance--is another sad commentary on Bachmann’s marginal ability to serve the public let alone lead it from the White House.

Rep. Bachmann would get a more keen, revealing, and educational insight into how the nation’s mortgage market works, if she sought to learn why her originating lender didn’t keep her mortgage loan on its books.

She still can ask that question.


Bored with all of the deficit/budget chicanery and BS? Me, too. BTW, someone will figure out a fix by next week, even if it is some hokey chicanery of the Treasury lending the Fed $100 Billion, possibly using the Fed member institutions as financial conduits, since legally it cannot be done directly. But this is war, right?

The following is a total Maloni make-up. It’s a sports fantasy and it occurred to me as my beloved Pittsburgh Pirates--owners of 18 consecutive losing major league baseball seasons--found themselves in a pennant race in 2011, hanging on by their thumbs and employing a very marginal group of major leaguers, but generating rekindled baseball interest in Pittsburgh.

What if the Buccos could develop some baseball serious talent and quickly? Might there be a way?

(Apologies to the Steinbrenner family and anyone in the New York Yankee organization, who may feel offended by my fiction.)


The New York Yankees today became the first team in major league baseball to announce that it has added vampires to its player development (PD) department, possibly heralding a new first in professional sports.

Rumors have been around for years about Caribbean baseball teams engaging the use of “blood suckers,” but those allegations never have been proved.

Yankees co-owner Hank Steinbrenner, his brother Hal Steinbrenner, Yankee General Manager Brian Cashman and many members of the extended Steinbrenner family, gathered today at Yankee Stadium to explain this new Bronx Bomber first.

Hank, the elder brother, told hundreds of media at a raucous press conference, that 34 year old, Vladimir “Fangs” Horowitz, a life long Yankees fan--who traces his father’s side of the family back four centuries to Europe’s eastern Moldavia--will head a new PD contingent, which includes three of Horowitz’s female cousins, Zsa Zsa, Melanie, and Gidget, all from his paternal side.

Hank Steinbrenner told the media, “It’s a true ‘first.’ Given our aging superstars, the Yankees need some fresh blood, and Vlad and the girls seem to be poised to produce it… in quarts.”

While Hank Steinbrenner, older of the two team owning brothers, refused to comment on specifics, reports are that the new Yankee employees will “scout” the majors for current young baseball talent and—employing the collective wiles of the Horowitz clan-- seek to acquire the “essence” of those players for infusion into current Yankee players or just for warehousing purposes and future use.

“Given all of the new national interest, recent success in blood sucking technology, and the sharing of vital essence, this is a much cheaper way to go than finding or trading for quality young ball players, many of whom initially only will play in night games,” said GM Brian Cashman.

“Blood is thicker than water, “younger brother Hal Steinbrenner said. “And as my late sainted father George—who many felt was a seer--used to say, you never can have enough of either!”

For his part, Vlad Horowitz recounted how—upon hearing that he had been hired by the baseball franchise with the most World Series wins—told his father that this was a job he had dreamed about as a kid growing up in the Bronx and could “really get my teeth into.”

Nobody in the Yankee family would respond to reports that octogenarian Yogi Berra, heralded former Yankee catcher and all-star, has volunteered to be the first beneficiary/recipient of the new Yankee essence extraction process.

Cashman also showed reporters a new “UnderArmour” plasma bag, with a large Citibank and even larger Yankee logo on it, which will part of an early fan giveaway promotion.

Maloni, 7-29-2011


Anonymous said...

This is hysterical. Way to go! You should submit to The Onion.

Bill Maloni said...

Is this one of my sons teasing the old fat guy?

"Onion" was the original plan, but I found out that they don't accept outside work, so I foisted it on my blog readers.

One of my kids--working himself right out of the will--told me that the Bachmann segment was "insightful" and the "Yankee" piece "sucked."